so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
