Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
There r osticjed everywhere
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
