p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
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