What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
