I want to stick my p in your. b.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Randomize
