i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
