May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He passed out mid-signature
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
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