This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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