apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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