my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
