if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
