Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
