You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
