at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
