We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
