Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
