That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
