i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
