So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I cut my penus on the lid.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
