im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
