You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
