First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Randomize
