I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
