Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
