is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
