i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
