Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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