at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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