I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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