Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
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