I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Randomize
