it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
