I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
