I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
