Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
