would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Randomize
