I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
