32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I want to be your penis for a week.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
