i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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