Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
