I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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