I need to stop coming to work sober
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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