Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
