Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Semen is not good for contacts.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
