I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
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