Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
