can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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