My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
