she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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