Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I just googled if crying burns calories
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize